The house is warm while outside is chilly with a layer of snow on the ground. My snowman dishes have been carefully unpacked and are being used for everything from "Holiday Crunch" to peppermint ice-cream. The tradition of arguing with the youngsters concerning the white lights or colored lights has been waged--and won. The Annual Holiday Bells have been polished and now adorn the beautiful evergreen standing in my front room (with white lights glowing I might add). The Nativity has been arranged and rearranged many times. Fragile decorations have been broken in excitement and super-glued back together to look as if new. Gingerbread Houses have been decorated and massive amounts of sugar has been consumed with close friends. The lines of "Santa Claus is coming to town" is being sung by everyone in the house in hopes of getting the 3 year old to behave--so much that the said 3 year old is now singing the song himself. And this list seems never ending, the Christmas Blankets are out, the Grinch, Frosty and Rudolph have been viewed,lists have been made, Holiday parties have been attended, the 12 Days of Christmas has arrived............

So where is my Holiday Spirit? I am afraid it will not be making an appearance this Holiday Season. I realize that this is a common dilemma, I have seen enough Hallmark Channel Movies to know, but still it festers inside me.

I worry it has died along with the other loves in my life.

While growing up (well into my late 20's and early 30's), I was surrounded by the people who made Christmas "Christmas"! My Grandparents would spend Christmas Eve at my childhood house so they could be there for the quiet reading of the nativity as well as the chaos of gift receiving the next morning. They would bring a cooler of goods with them for our feast--my Mom would complain that they would even bring butter. We would eat, sing Christmas Carols, visit the lights, some years my Granddad would lead us in calisthenics in hopes to get us to bed earlier. My Dad always threatened to catch Santa and tie him up so that we would not receive any gifts.

Christmas morning I would wake and go to my parents room to count down the minutes until we could get up with my Dad. He always seemed just as excited about Christmas Morning as I was--but would try and pretend he was a Grinch. "Bah Humbug" was a phrase he used often. He always had batteries, his pocket knife (for stubborn packaging and little screws), and a garbage bag (to keep the garbage under control) at his disposal. Christmas Morning was a smooth operation under his management.

Needless to say, traditions have changed. Some have fallen away completly. Some have just been altered.

Today, Christmas 2009, I have found Christmas Spirit in some unlikely places. It is this that I will cling.

While "decking the halls" a decoration was broken. It truly did not upset me all that much, I was not attatched to it--not until my son spent well over 6 hours painstakenly super-gluing it back together. He carefully picked every shard up off the floor and fit them back together. You can hardly see the deformity. I now LOVE the decoration. A spark of 'Spirit'. Everytime I look at that decoration it grows.

Our trip to see Santa was typical--magical. The youngest was overcome with excitement about seeing the big guy while the older ones did their traditional protests of being too old. All of this while I knew that the younger would not actually like Santa and that the older group was excited about this annual ritual. Here is where the sweet feeling of Christmas was once again felt. We battled the crowds, waited in line for over an hour, but we also ate yummy cookies and enjoyed each others company. We joked about what the kids would ask santa for and if he would actually bring it. The excitement sparked in the kids. They BELIEVE in Santa, or the idea of Santa. To this I cling.

(As I read this, I too am thinking what you are thinking: Form traditions within your family now, be grateful for what you had and NOW HAVE, stop whimpering! I am very grateful for the goodness in my life--I just want it ALL.)